Arrrrrrrooooooo!!! That’s me turning into a werewolf after my recent participation in Torus’s new moon meditation ceremony with Jamie. Granted, I turn into a werewolf often, but it’s typically not related to the status of the moon as much as it is to the status of my emotions, particularly when they are moving through me and ultimately, I am releasing them.
Were there actually werewolves running around just a few centuries ago, or were they just crazed men working through their feelings?
I really wanted to go down a long rabbit hole about turning into a werewolf, wolves, witches, and all werewolf lore, but after an extensive google search I’m learning the answer to that question is a lot more complicated than I anticipated. The long and short of it though; we connect to stories about these kinds of creatures to relate to our emotions and how we manage them – man turns into werewolf and eats human flesh like our emotions do, metaphorically, and stuff like that.
But I digress, what I’m trying to say is that oftentimes when I work through my emotions, especially the stuck ones, it feels transformative. I’ve participated in silent meditations as well as plant medicine ceremonies that have elicited some of these “werewolf” moments where stuck emotions have been cleared, and all have helped me feel lighter and more connected to my true self.
I’ve also struggled at times during ceremony; getting comfortable, staying present, racing thoughts – the usual suspects.
But eventually I get to a place where my emotions start to move through my body and out of my extremities, and it’s something I experienced during and after this most recent new moon meditation. First, it was just lovely to just be within a like-minded community, surrounded by others trying to be better with their emotions, do some work, and grow. There was a sense of support and feeling of home that made it easier to be with my struggles. I could feel the tension in my back and jaw, as well as the discomfort it was causing.
Jamie had us share something about our presence before we set our intentions and proceeded as she guided us, helping us feel our light and clear what was ailing us. As time passed, and as we connected deeper to ourselves, I could feel emotions looking to escape through my feet, tears, sighs, and other noises – however, I did notice resistance to getting too emotional in the group out of fear of disturbing anyone else. But, I could feel a warmness in my feet at one point, a warning perhaps that these emotions were going to discharge later. And they did on my drive home – some crying and some primal screaming, ya know, werewolf stuff.
The way I process my feelings aside, I find so much value in connecting with community in the way that this group setting allowed.
There is something special about being able to be open and honest in a group while we connect to ourselves through mediation. It makes me feel more alive, and more willing to accept and be with my true self, especially in such a non-judgemental and accepting group dynamic. I feel more connected to others through ceremony. Afterall, we are tribal by nature and it’s important to connect to others through being, and connecting with, our authentic selves. Through a state of meditation and sharing my openness with others it ends up feeling like a form of group therapy, which it really is, and it can be quite healing.
I got home afterwards and the tension was gone. I felt lighter, as if I had peeled back some layers. And as I write this a few days later, I recognize that I have felt more connected to myself, who I am, and what I want of life since the mediation (I set some intentions to do so).
Life is traumatizing and I have felt stuck at times, which is frustrating since I know I’m pushing forward. But I don’t feel quite that way at the moment – I absolutely feel like I let go of some stuff, some negative energy was cleared, and I am standing a little taller. I turned into a werewolf and was able to howl out a lot of what was stuck with the help of a guided communal ceremony, as it’s been done for centuries. Now, I don’t know if you’ll actually turn into a werewolf but maybe you will, or maybe you’ll morph into a different spirit animal… join us and find out, we’d love to share space with more of the community!
Written by: Jonathan Holubiak, Master’s in Counseling Intern
Our next New Moon Meditation is Friday, November 1st at 7pm. Learn more here!